Managing the Digital Divide:
Helping Teens Avoid Toxic Content Online
Given the types of influences teens are navigating around sex and relationships, requires that we have conversations with them about sexual ethics as young as middle school. Fifty percent of teenage boys admit to using pornography, and we can imagine that the percentage is even higher.
Regardless of the numbers, porn is no place to learn about the sex experience.
Eighty-eight percent of pornography videos contain violence against women, and in all of these videos, the women appear to like it. Peggy Orenstein interviewed more than seventy teenage boys for her book Boys and Sex. What she found is that boys are openly admitting that pornography ruined their ability for healthy relationships, once they arrived at college.
Images of violent sex are money-making commodities, and not at all representative of a healthy sex experience. The digital divide may have robbed young people of the sense of wonder that attends innocence, but If teens are aware of the effects of porn, they may be more likely to avoid it, and come to an understanding of what sex is on their own terms and in their own time.
All sexes to varying degrees are using porn and the media as a kind of sexual textbook, a way to understand sex as it relates to men, women, trans, and gender-other people. In her book for girls, Orenstein interviewed dozens of young women who report that being “Hot” is equivalent to pleasing their partner sexually. Conversely, boys are saying that rough sex is, “normal.” Greater consumption of sexually explicit media was related to more negative body attitude as well as depression and anxiety for both male and female participants who identified as queer.
When we put it all together, it’s no wonder alcohol consumption is on the rise with this age group. More than half of all assaults involve alcohol use on the part of both the victim and the offender. Alcohol has a way of numbing out the questions of blurred consent, or what one’s personal needs are, or how to create a mutually satisfying experience.
If boys feel that they need to be sexually aggressive to be masculine, and girls think they need to please their partner sexually, some of the most beautiful aspects of the sex experience get missed.
Here are some Questions to invite teens to ask themselves about their dating life (or future dating life):
1) If I ever felt that I was at-risk or that my personal boundaries were being threatened, would I tell someone or would I think that telling someone made me look weak?
2) Has pornography or the media affected my sexual expectations for myself and my future sex partners? If so, how?
3) Have I experienced pressure from friends to engage in a lot of sexual activity?
4) What rules, if any, do I have for myself around drinking and hooking up?
5) What do I think about the fact that many young men are declaring that pornography has negatively affected their relationships and ability to enjoy sex?
6) Have I ever felt pressure to “perform” sexually in ways that were out of my comfort zone?
7) What is my understanding of consent? How about affirmative consent?
In our safety education course, we include frank discussions with our students about how to manage the effects of porn and the media. We don’t see it as our job to tell students what they should or shouldn’t do when it comes to these influences, but rather focus on providing the information that lets them decide for themselves.
For more information on our evidence-based program that gives teens a road map for creating healthy relationships, go to https://www.bestrongbewise.com
